Jim Maijala's Phunk Phiction -- A Tee-shirt Story (PG-14)


From: jmaijala@juno.com
Date: Sun, 9 Aug 1998 00:41:27 -0700
Subject: re: a t-shirt story?

Speaking of wearing the t-shirt ...

Just last week I was at the grocery store, picking up a few items for dinner and wearing the t-shirt. A rather shapely young woman noticed me and said "My, that certainly is a groovy shirt you have there!" I said, "You ain't seen nothin', sister, check this out!" I immediately ripped my velcro pants off to reveal my "Grand Funk briefs" with the pointing pecker logo! "Wow, those are great! Where can I get a pair?"

"Just come on over to my place and I'll let you go through my complete shop of Grand Funk merchandize. I have the shirts, briefs, "Mel Schacher autographed bras," the exclusive "Farner socks," and the rare and valuable "Don Brewer registered cuff links."

"Cuff Links?" she purred.

"Yes, and if you are a good girl I may even show you my secret stash."

"Stash?"

"You got it, chicky babe, it's the Howard Eddy collection of pens ... all with disappearing ink!"

"No, your kiddin' me, you've got the pen set?"

"That's right, sweet cheeks, and that's not all."

"There's more?"

"Yes, if you order now, you get the Terry Knight-o-matic. It slices, dices, minces and chops. Reverse blades and ripple cut a contract. Makes thousands of law suits in just seconds. Look at those mounds of slaw! But wait!, there's more ... the problem with buttons is ... THEY ALWAYS FALL OFF ... but now there is the "Craig Frost button machine" ... it can handle small button, large buttons, even shank buttons. Now how much would you pay? ... WAIT! there's more ... included at no extra charge is the Don Kirshner Phish Mate, that's right 10 amazing fish tools in one!"

"I can't stand it, how much for everything?"

"Are you sure you want it all?"

"Yes, I love you and I love Grand Funk, it must be the shirt ... maybe it's the briefs ... I don't know! All I know is I have to have all the stuff!"

It was at this time that my creative juices ground to a halt and I couldn't think of anything else funny. Well, that's not exactly true, but it would be inappropriate for the roadkill network.

Have a funk day.

Jim's a good mans brother
Keeping the dream alive into the next millennium ...


The Grand Funk Railroad Web

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