Jim Maijala's Phunk Phiction -- Howard Eddy


From: jmaijala@juno.com
Date: Fri, 13 Feb 1998 22:26:50 -0500
Subject: Re: where's Howard?

All right, you asked for it!!!

Let's set the scene ... the show is over and the boys are piling into a van to head to the airport ...

Mark:
C'mon you guys, let's blow this joint before those Roadkill fanatics find us!
Don:
Right behind you, big guy!!
Mark:
Is that another crack about my height, bean pole?
Mel:
Has anyone seen Howard?
Don:
Who's Howard?
Mel:
Oh PPUUULLEEEZZEE, he is as much a part of this band as you are, Donna.
Don:
STOP CALLING ME DONNA!!!
Mark:
Why should we, Wightman doesn't mind.
Howard:
(Running up, panting like he has run a marathon.) Hey dudes, did you forget about me?
Mel:
Did any of you hear something, it sounded like someone saying "dude?"
Don:
You're hearing things again, NEL.
Mark:
Stop calling him NEL, his name is MEL.
Howard:
I thought his name was "Inspector Fenwick."
Mark:
Now I'm hearing things, I thought I heard someone say "Phil Spector."
(Now Howard realizes what has happened, he's invisible!! The others can't see him.)
Howard:
Guys!, it's me, Howard. You can't see me, but I can see you!
Don:
Real funny Mark. That ventriloquist crap is really getting old.
Mel:
Huh?
Mark:
It's not me, Don, it must be Mel!!
Mel:
Huh?
Howard:
It's true Guys!!!! I'm invisible!! Think of the fun we can have!!!

Someone else will have to take it from here ...
Jim's a good mans brother


From: jmaijala@juno.com
Date: Thu, 26 Feb 1998 00:38:49 -0500
Subject: Re: Howard Eddy?

You know ... I think that Howard Eddy is in reality the unholy union between Howard from the Andy Griffith show and Eddie Haskell from Leave it to Beaver ... yep, that has to be it. Why else would everyone want to know "where's Howard Eddy?" ... I can see it all now ...

Deep in a laboratory Mark and Don are performing a bizzare series of experiments ...

Mark:
Dr. Brewer, have you completed the head transplant yet?
Don:
That is affirmative, Doctor. Now all we have to do is transfer a fully musical brain into the head.
Mark:
I'll call in our evil henchman to rob the medical school ... Mel? Mel? come in here please.
Mel:
(In his best Peter Lorrie.) Yes, Master?
Don:
Go to the medical school and retrieve a brain for our friend here.
Mel:
Why don't you use mine?
Mark:
Ha Ha, you fool! We want him to be able to sing! ...
(Suddenly a small boy from the 3rd grade sticks his head in the door.)
Boy:
Have any of you seen my brother, Wally?
Don:
Who is that with you, boy?
Boy:
The name is Beaver, Beaver Cleaver. and this is my brothers friend Eddie!
Eddie:
Heh, Heh, what shakin' Mad Scientists? Have you seen Wally's old man or ol' lady around?
Mel:
Come right over here Eddie, I have something to show you.
(Eddie walks over to a table and is promptly hit over the head with a beaker.)
Beaver:
Jeepers! I've wanted to do that for years! I hate Eddie!!
Mark:
Beat it runt (Don laughs) and don't come around here or tell anyone what you have seen!
Beaver:
Not even the old fire chief? ... Okay, okay! I won't squeal!
Don:
Now Dr. Farner, we have a criminal brain to put into our friend!
Mark:
Yes ... Mel, prepare the operating room!
Mel:
Yes, Master ... Oh, and by the way, there is some old guy typing this whole thing out on his computer and it is really stupid!!
Don:
What guy ... Oh you mean him? (Pointing from the screen.) Let's get him!!!
(A fight rages, but only for a moment as the author has the upper hand over these pitiful mad scientists!)

To be continued ...
Jim's a good mans brother


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